But this is too good not to post. Apparently “Blonde Ambition,” Jessica’s remake of “Working Girl,” is going straight to DVD.

This is BAAAAAAAD.  A movie with Luke Wilson does not go straight to DVD unless it is truly terrible. And we all saw “Dukes of Hazzard” in the theaters… How much worse can it get?

Last week, US Weekly claimed that Jessica regrets her decision to leave Nick (duh - he was like an island of normalcy and love in the psycho weird world she inhabits). I felt bad for Jessica, but was also glad that Nick has found another loving relationship with fellow jobless celebrity, Vanessa Minillo.

Well! After seeing these pictures from OK Magazine, I’m less-than-thrilled.

These are basically old school Nick and Jessica posed shots, but Jessica’s head has been replaced by Minillo’s.

These are totally posed sell-out pictures, and let’s face it, Jessica could do this next turkey picture 10x better than Vanessa:

She can’t even avoid the giant plant in the foreground!  Maybe it’s Audrey II about to gobble up her sorry Jessica-replacing ass.

(ahem… gathering myself here…)

If they’re in love, more power to them. But if Nick and Vanessa do a reality show, so help me God - I may have to phone Jessica myself and offer her a shoulder to cry on.

I apologize in advance if anyone else cleared their 11am - noon schedule so they could watch Jessica Simpson step in as guest host on “The View” today. She’s not there!

I dug around a bit on the web, and it turns out that now she’s just guest hosting TWO (yes, a measly TWO) episodes on Nov 15th and 16th. Clearly, I will be watching.

I am so bummed. I was hoping for a month of Jessica on a daily basis.

This blows. I blame Elizabeth Hasselbeck, because why not?

This picture of Jessica Simpson is totally unfair! She looks dumb, but that’s because someone made her walk over a metal grate. Every woman has had the horrible experience of her heel sinking through such a grate - It sucks! I’m just happy that Jess managed to keep her balance!  How about those insanely defined calf muscles?

It’s sad that it’s come to the point where, when a celeb doesn’t look the way I remember, the assumption my mind makes is that they got work done.

Here is Cheri Oteri with Jessica Simpson (yes, this is also a flagrant excuse to put more J-Simp stories up here) at a Frederick’s of Hollywood bash. My first thoughts: “THAT’S Cheri Oteri???” Something about the cheeks…or the chin…or the teeth…or the nose…I could go on…

(Source: Popsugar)

Something’s different… I thought. Then I started looking around for old pictures of Cheri (see below, on right for a picture the way I remember her) and realized that she’s looked quite varied over the years. The cute little maniacal look she wore in “Austin Powers” and other SNL-related comedies seems to really just be a look she can do to her face.

  (source - Viewimages)

I think this may actually be how she looks now, au naturel.

OK, ya’ll… Starting November 8th, I will be acting a lot more like a housewife than I’ve ever tried before because JESSICA SIMPSON is taking over for Elizabeth Hasselbeck on “The View” during her maternity leave.

Are you kidding me? Pure, (relatively) uncensored Jessica the likes of which we haven’t had the chance to see since “Newlyweds?!?!” I am SO in.

If this falls apart, I will be so bummed. This will be awesome for her outfits alone, much less the gems that will spill out of her mouth.

A lot of buzz online today about Jessica Simpson’s chest in this shirt, but I’m much more interested in that lady BEHIND Jessica:

It’s Cacee Cobb!!

Remember the good old days when Nick & Jessica were “Newlyweds” and Cacee moved into their Calabasas manse for months on end? I know Cacee stepped down as Jess’ personal assistant, but maybe, JUST MAYBE she’s been re-hired.

And then Papa Joe can create a new reality series where Cacee and Jess are two single girls in the Hollywood Hills looking for love and career success. He can call it “The Hills!” Oh wait…

OK, here goes nothing: I still like Jessica Simpson.

(Photo courtesy of Elle magazine)

I am shocked, I tell you, SHOCKED at this poll on Popsugar that indicates that more people prefer Ashlee to Jessica. HUH?  Ashlee is a)only famous because of Jessica, b) less pretty (even with “enhancements”), and c) missing that loveable je ne sais quoi that Jessica had, has, and will always have!

Here’s my little speel on Jessica Simpson:

She’s no rocket scientist, but this girl has something that makes you want to just watch her just be herself. Her movies are terrible, her albums are not so great either (Though I personally totally liked “A Public Affair”), her fashion/hair extensions/edible toiletries lines are laughable. BUT SHE HERSELF IS STILL TOTALLY CAPTIVATING!  This is why no new project will ever compare to when we got to watch her on reality TV. I realized that I’m most interested when I see Jessica doing mundane things in paparrazzi shots. I mean, just look at her here going through airplane security with her maltipoo Daisy and LV dog carrying case:

(Photo courtesy of PopSugar)

OK, so I’m superficial. But Oscar Wilde was right when he said that only shallow people do not judge by appearances.  Jessica is really gorgeous! People do not look like this every day - It’s basically impossible.

And even though “Newlyweds” was awesome and much better than the crap she’s churning out now, at least she’s still TRYING. She was never going to be the next Christina (who is a very good singer), so what do we want? Another Britney train wreck? No thank you! Jessica is getting paid and still making money.

Mark my words, I bet Jessica has a couple more renaissances in her yet… And thank goodness she’s gotten rid of that John Mayer skeeze.